For I am here.

As I lay in bed. listening to this song on repeat. I have tears streaming down my face.

My heart is being put back together. which is a blessing that has been a long and painful process. 

But at the same time my heart is breaking in tiny pieces. 

Things are changing. 

God has brought amazing people into my life that I have to say goodbye to. not knowing when I will see them again.

I feel as if this is a season of loneliness yet a season of new found love & hope. I have been so broken from my past.

I am not alone. I will never be alone. 

in relationships & my future. I do see a new found love. and I do see a promising hope.

Thank you God. 
For healing my wounds. The broken pieces of my past for a fullness in my future. For loving me endlessly so I am able to love those you put around me. To accept love from others. To allow me to stick up for myself. My life. My feelings. My values & morals. My vulnerability. 

For slowly taking down these walls that I have built up. 

I can live with others and not be judged for who I was, but be loved and accepted for who I am in Christ. I desire it.

I crave community. 
I do not have one yet. But I know that God isn't done moving me. And when I am, He will bring growth in a community. In new relationships. In acceptance. In living life together with God front and center. 

Take me Lord where you want me to go. 
You have promised me you will bring me back to Haiti. I trust you.
I am yours. Your servant. Your hands. Your feet. Your blank slate. 

Fill my mind with knowledge, education & understanding so I may better love your children on this fragile island. 

I am welcoming all this change. This growth. this maturity. with wide open arms. 

 {{You are not alone. God loves you. He desires you.

 His love is full of grace & mercy.}}

In Christ's Love
Emily Elizabeth.

Growing up. making responsible decisions.

::: This is a post that I thought I would never have to write. 

The past few weeks God has been working immensely on my heart. I desire to follow Him. To listen to Him. 

Admitting I didn't do the research I should have. Selfishly doing everything I could to stay in Haiti. 

To become a certified midwife is going to be harder to do here in Haiti then I thought. 

                                Actually impossible. 

I decided that God likes to teach me the hard way. 

Or that I do what my flesh desires and He just sits and laughs at me shaking His head. 

After talking with several midwives, God is giving me a sliver of a chance to get my training in a 3rd world country. 

not Haiti.

The Philippines. 

Newlife International School of Midwifery is a school that trains midwives on the mission field. 
(They are connected with a school in the states so EVERYTHING there counts towards my certification)

I am in the process of applying. Surrendering to God my future education. Only He can open the door for me there.
{{ Will you please pray with me that God be with those who read my application & see my determination and desire to be a midwife in Haiti }}

If accepted I would start August 1st. <<<<< my heart breaks to leave Haiti and not know when I will be back.

But whenever I do come back. I will be trained, skilled, equipped with the knowledge to be a midwife. 

These women deserve to trust someone who is certified. who is skilled in prenatal care. delivering their children. 

I am working with human lives. That is something to be serious about. I want to know everything I can when serving them. 

I want the best education I can get to be the best midwife I can be. 

The king’s heart is like a stream of water directed by the Lord;

    He guides it wherever He pleases. People may be right in their own eyes but the Lord examines their heart. The Lord is more pleased when we do what is right and just than when we offer him sacrifices. Haughty eyes, a proud heart,and evil actions are all sin.
Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity,
   but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty.
Proverbs 21:1-5

PLEASE. pray with me & for me. That God will open the right door for my training.

I don't know what God has planned for me and I am completely okay with that. 

I do know that He keeps confirming in me that I am to 

be a midwife here in Haiti. 

Might not be right now at this exact time. But He will bring me back. Skilled & ready to catch some babies. 

So I will not be returning to Haiti in July. I will either have my bags packed to go to the Philippines or unpacked to stay and continue my education in the states in hope of applying to Newlife in 2015 if not accepted for this fall. 

My heart will be left here in Haiti. 

I want to be honest. There is so much racing through my mind right now. Email me. message me. If you have questions I am here to answer them. I do not want to mislead. I don't know why God does things but I know why He is doing this right now. Why He is revealing this to me at the very beginning of this journey. I am thankful. 

** Those who so generously donated money towards my midwifery classes. Thank you a million times over. If I am accepted into this school, all of the funds that were raised will go towards my school tuition. You supported me to become a midwife and it will still be towards that. I am blessed by your encouragement and am thankful to have so many of you going on this journey with me. 


In Christ's Love
Emily Elizabeth

Stranded On a Boat.

I am in the middle of a storm.

I feel that the rain just never stops pouring down on me. 

The boat I am keeps changing directions with every gust of wind. 

I can see the shore, where I am to be safely yet God keeps pelting me. 

WHAT THE HECK GOD. 

{{ please pretty please just bring the sun out }}

" In each life there comes at least one moment which, if recognized and seized, transforms the course of that life forever. The moment may call you to leap, empty handed, into the void." - Ralph Blum

I have lots of these moments, at least I think I do. 

A year ago I had this moment on a rooftop in Haiti. 

Last summer I had several of these moments. 

January I took a leap of faith and said yes to beginning this journey into midwifery. 

He still has yet to open the clouds and let the sun shine through. 

"The king's heart is like a stream of water directed by the Lord; He guides it wherever He pleases. People may be right in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their heart.
The Lord is more please when we do what is right and just than when we offer Him sacrifices. Haughty eyes, a proud heart, and evil actions are all sin. Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty. "
                                 Proverbs 21:1-5

Like David, it took him years after he was anointed to be king to actually be king. He continued to face storms and trials. It was not easy yet God never gave up on Him. He kept His promise.

This is the beginning of my journey and I can see many storms ahead but ones that will produce sweet sweet moments, memories & fruit.

I am asking for prayers. For clarity in this storm. That God will shine a light on the next step in my path. 

He is continuing to grant me a peace that is so comforting. 

I love that I follow Him. That I crave to be close to Him. That I can surrender my entire life to Him.

I am thankful for storms like these. I know that God is drawing me closer. I know there is SO much to learn. That I will be a stronger daughter & women because of it. I cherish these moments where I can just rest in Gods arms and be in complete surrender. 

" On the day I called, You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul." Psalm 138:3

             
In Christ's Love
Emily Elizabeth

Whom have I but You.

All I Ask.

All I have is God to look to for guidance, for council, for understanding.

All I want is Gods approval, His desires for my life, His grace & mercy.

All I want is to hear His sweet whispers as to what to do. 

All I need is Him. 

I hate when I feel so distant. Like I am shutting Him out because i don't want to face what He has to show me. 

I love that His arms are always open. Always there for me to run to. That His forgiveness is overflowing. 

I do not deserve this love. 

Yet He gives it to me everyday. In every sunset. In every hug. In every smile. In every breath. 

In every rainfall. In every tear. In every memory. In every experience. In every lonely moment.

 In every quiet moment spent with Him.

I want my life to glorify God in every single way. 

It is getting there. I am growing. I am changing. He is opening my eyes, heart & soul. 

He is revealing things to me that I am scared to confront.
He is putting the right people in my life for those moments of weakness.

" I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can close. You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny me." 
Revelations 3:9

I am thankful that I serve a God who never gave up on me 

and will never give up on me. 

In Christ's Love
Emily Elizabeth