This Christmas || My broken heart.

** this post is honest. and blunt. and might be hard to read but it has been really hard for me to process and write. and I honestly hope that whoever reads this will feel a change taking place in their heart to be apart of making a change in the lives of so many around the world as God calls us to do. 
"Dear friends, do you think you’ll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, “Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!” and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn’t it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense? Not so fast. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works. Faith and works, works and faith, fit together hand in glove. Do I hear you professing to believe in the one and only God, but then observe you complacently sitting back as if you had done something wonderful? That’s just great. Demons do that, but what good does it do them? Use your heads! Do you suppose for a minute that you can cut faith and works in two and not end up with a corpse on your hands?" James 2:14-20 MSG


{{ God has been wrecking me this last week. }}

the tears come at random times. during yoga. in the shower. on shift.

right now.

He has been opening my eyes to this world. 
to the way His heart has become so broken.

sex trafficking. child soldiers. rape. 

stealing. cheating. gender favoritism. 

brothels. loan sharks. 

and the list goes on....

I don't know why I do this to myself, watching heart wrenching documentaries.
|| BBC documentaries by Stacey Dooley. && Born into Brothels 2004. << watch them they are eye opening and raw.

but I am glad. 

because I think this Christmas, God is trying to tell me something. 

Whisper something in my ear. 

break my heart increasingly more for His future plans for my life. 

Its hard not being with my family this season.
{{ yet there are millions of people, kids, teens, adults around the world that have no hope of talking to their family. let alone knowing if they are okay. }}

WHY has this never sunk deep in my heart before?

• I am mad. mad that satan uses such simple ways of causing deep hurtful sin that becomes habitual. 
• I am mad at men. that so many of them have no self control. that they can continue to rape young girls who are screaming and crying in pain. WHY IS THAT OKAY for them? 
• I am mad at the world. for so many people turning a blind eye to the reality of life for so many in this world. actually, how most of this world lives. 
• I am mad that there are not more people out there helping. discipling men on how to treat women. discipling women on how to provide for their children. discipling kids to grow up living for God. 

I now know a sliver of how much hurt God experiences. 
How broken His heart truly is. 

I can start to see why so many mothers sell their daughters. 

Why so many turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of their reality. 

How they can speak with so much vulgar to each other because 

they have lost who they themselves are. 

How girls grow up to become the same as their mothers and grandmothers.

I HATE THIS.

and I pray that you do to. 

[[ cause this is not right ]]
We were not created to live like this. 

I know that I can not change the world. with all my hope, sweat, skills. I can't.

but God can. Jesus can. 

>> That is why Jesus was born of a virgin to bring us a hope. 

a salvation. a promise of beautiful eternity. <<

I don't know what God is going to use me for. 
but I hope that He uses me as a vessel to open the eyes of people to the world. to the hurt. the need. the love that is so needed to give. 

I pray that I will go to those places that no one has been to. 

those places where war has ravaged villages, the brothels where girls need physical help & healing, the homes where children are living in damaging filth. 

.......but for now, as hard as it is. I will wait as He prepares my hands........

He is breaking my heart this season. >>> more then ever.
Reminding me what Christmas really is about. 

we always say that yet are you actually living it?

ponder that.
I think we are all guilty of it.
I know that I am.

I am going to be honest and say I am sad that I am not able to give the gift of hope to women in India like I wanted to this Christmas season. That I am only going to be able to help a few women with the amount of support that has come to me this month.
But sometimes God is the one who does the big things on the end that we don't see.
a wise friend told me once that God told her.... "The people I place before you are the ones you need to help in that moment."

There is still a week left of December. 

Will you think of helping these mothers start a small business so they don't even have to think about what is going to happen if they can't pay their debt. cause to be honest, their options are few and do involve the reality of 

selling their daughters, their own self, their life. 

This Christmas will you live out what this season is really about? 

I challenge you to pray for the world. For those who don't even get the joy to celebrate this time of year or who even get to have a glimpse of the hope that Jesus brought with His birth. 

Will you help me give this HOPE to the women of India?
>> for info on Gifts of Joy to Our Sisters Around the World 2014 (Christmas fundraiser) you can read it in a past post Christmas to the Women of India.

If yes, thank you for joining me in this Christmas Gift (click to donate). 
If not this year, I ask earnestly that you pray for their hearts, their families & they will somehow see God shine through in their life this next year. 

I so wish I could be doing something more. I want to be doing more. 
But God has me in the exact place He wants me and I am learning SO much.  
I have hope that He will send me to these places. 




Merry Christmas to everyone.
I am thankful that we get to celebrate this season.
That there is a true, pure and real reason to celebrate. 

Thank you God for sending your Son to this earth in a perfect example of humility. Thank you for the promise that You give us, the promise of eternity with you. The promise of tomorrow. The promise of a love that is everlasting and pure. 

In Christ's love
Emily Elizabeth

Mary did you know?

This song has such new meaning to me this season.  

Mary did you know that your baby boy....

will walk on water.

save our sons and daughters.

make you new.

give sight to a blind man.

calm a storm with His hand.

walk where angels trod.

Lord of all creation.

one day rule the nations.

The Child that you've delivered. Will soon deliver you.

Could you imagine being Mary. 
I can't wait to sit down and have a conversation with her and listen to her birth story. as corny as it sounds : ) 

Enjoy.
Merry Christmas

ps. 10 days till Christmas

Emily Elizabeth

Rewind to being a student.

This last week was my first "official" week of school.

Our first 2 months we were in the birth room one shift a weekend while going to language school.

but now...
it really begins.

{{ Classes. Assignments. learning. 

clinic shifts. responsibility. 

hands on work. my own patients. }}

Remembering what I learned.
 and doing it.

YIKES.

I forgot what this was like.

Thankfully I have pretty amazing teachers, supervisors and classmates. 

I am excited to grow. stretch. and actually know some amazing things. 

"is this real life!?"

" Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me." John 12:26

Emily Elizabeth

Christmas to the Women of India.

This Christmas. 
My second one spent overseas. 

I would be lying if I said I was okay.
I miss my family. The way it used to be when we were all young.
decorating the tree. 
lighting our Christmas Village.
listening to those annoying drummer boys playing christmas songs (holly & grant you remember what I am talking about?) 
the first snow fall.
christmas movies. 
decorations everywhere. 
bundling up. 
crackling wood accompanied with some hot cocoa. 
waking up early with my brother and sister to see what our stockings hold.
delicious food & sweet treats.
Christmas Eve tradition. It's a Wonderful Life.
Midnight service. 
twinkling lights covered in snow.
the comfort of being with my family. 

I can't wait till I spend a Christmas in the states again. 
But for now I am spending it with palm trees, the hot sun & babies. 

This year I want to challenge everyone.

To remember why we celebrate this season.

The wondering that Mary & Joseph went through.

Her pain she endured during her delivery.

Our anticipation for the return of our Savior.

To bring Christmas back to the birth of Jesus and the promise He holds.

The promise of forgiveness. freedom. salvation. redemption. peace. fullness. 

" Because of God's tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace." Luke 1:78-79

This Christmas I want to give back.

Through the womens ministry If:gathering and HOPE international, women in India are escaping the dark debt that never ends from borrowing money from loan sharks. By helping them start small businesses to get out of the cycle of debt and to be able to support their families, send their kids to school and to empower them through teaching them how to read, right and run a business.

By supporting me through a one time gift this holiday season, I will in turn donate to support these amazing women. 

{{ 50% of each donation that comes to me, 

I will donate to support the women in India. }}

>> so if you donate 20$ to support me here in the Philippines.
>> 10$ of that will go to the women in India.

$500 is enough to help HOPE’s partner serve 79 women

I would LOVE to raise $500.
to know that 79 women will be empowered. 
experience God's Love. 
and have a peace that they will be able to put food on their table. 
to support my sisters in Christ. 

** I tried to upload a video but its not working. if you go to THIS website please watch as its SO eye opening and will show you exactly who this donation will be supporting.


I am surrendering this into Gods hands. 
Praying that those who read this will feel God tugging on their hearts. 

Please pray about this.
Ask God to show you if this is what He wants for you to do this Christmas.

No matter what you feel God is leading you to do,

 please pray for those around the world. 

Those who don't know the immense love Jesus has for them. 

{{ Remember the Promise that was born that day. }}
the Savior to every tribe, tongue && nation.

" Suddenly, an angel of the Lord appeared among them, and the radiance of the Lord's glory surrounded them. They were terrified, but the angel reassured them. "don't be afraid!" he said. " I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all the people. The Savior- YES, the Messiah, the Lord- has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David." Luke 2:9-10

 --------->>>>  CHRISTMAS GIFT DONATION  <<<<----------

This is a new tradition I am going to start doing every Christmas season since, lets admit, who knows where I will be from now on during the holiday seasons. This is something that I can do wherever I am in the world. And I want to share the blessings that God pours on me to my sisters in Christ living around the world.  
So I hope you will join in the first ever...

Gifts of Joy to Our Sisters 

Around the World 2014

{{ Merry Christmas to everyone. May this season be one of renewed strength 
& peace through the dwelling on what Jesus' birth really means for each of us. }}




I am thankful for you. My brother & sister in Christ. 
That we not only get to share the excitement of this season here on earth but the gift of eternity spent together.



If you live in a place that snows please enjoy it for me or even build a snowman : ) I am missing it. 

In Christ's Love

Emily Elizabeth

Living between palm trees.

Its beautiful.

How God has specifically chosen. 

a country.

a family.

a home. 

a community. 
a culture.

for each and everyone of us.


His sovereignty is flawless.

" He is the God who made the world and everything in it. Since He is Lord of heaven and earth, He doesn't live in man-made temples, and human hands can't serve His needs - for He has no needs. He Himself gives life and breath to everything, and He satisfies every need. From one man He created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand when they should rise and fall, and He determined their boundaries." Acts 17:24-26

This past month was challenging to say the least. but it was full of God desired time to reflect on His blessings and desires He has tucked away in my heart.

Walking down this road He has chosen for my life.
I look back and am thankful for where my roots began. My families love and encouragement in my childhood that has allowed me to grow into the woman I am today. For the many mistakes that I learned from and those times that built me up for facing things in the future.

Learning the way people live is hard.

Understanding new cultures is difficult.

but there is so much beauty in the picture of seeing people with different backgrounds come together and support one another through the promise of our One Savior.

Its amazing to see how lives can be so drastically different.

On one side of the road there is comfort, convenience, and options.

On the other side there is careful decisions, uncertainty, and survival.

How God stretches us to go from one side to the other, is a down pour of His grace.

This month I saw a side of community living up close and very personal.
I lived more openly then I ever have before.


I experienced the good side of doors to houses being wide open.
But with those open doors came very little personal space.
The trust from one parent to another over their children's growth and protection.
A reality that most children around the world have a shortened childhood and grow up way to fast.
An apparent and visible faith in trusting that God will carry them through the day with full bellies.
A raw openness of the struggles of life.

I witnessed hospitality through the smallest acts.
That made the biggest difference on those days where I questioned why I was there.

Seeing all the kids playing and growing up with each other every day is a support system that I will never understand yet am so thankful that they are all living daily together.

>>Day in and day out of drying vibrant orange corn. 
>>Carabao's walking down the streets with sun beaten faced men in the driver seat. 
>>Children running around in dirty torn clothes but the only thing you focus on it their beautiful white smiles... some with little gaps. 
>>A mother in her comfortable squat position making suds and somehow miraculously getting all the dirt out of her sons favorite shirt. 
>>The smell of rain in the distance with promises of screams of joy & lots of splashing. also a free bath. 
>>Music that never faded and a beat that never stopped.  
>>Cockroaches that came out to say Hi at night and even have a sleep over with us. 
>>Mastering the perfect fire and cooking over an open flame. 
>>Seeing the difficulties of life through every line on a husband and wife's face.

Language barrier. 

Alone time with God. Palm trees full of coconuts. Long walks through rice fields, banana trees, bamboo made houses. Rural life. Farm life. 

God's words that penetrated my heart as He whispered them over and over to me these last weeks.

It is Okay. 

He is in that village. 
He is holding those children during those nights filled with fear. 
He is bonding relationships.
He is providing food for gurgling bellies. 
He is bringing healing. 
He is bringing His light. 

The peace in trusting Him is incomparable. 

The peace in my heart is comforting.

"It is Okay Emily. I have you right where I want you. I have given you these pictures of memories to place away in your heart to keep the fire going. Don't think about whats next, I have it all under control. Be right where you are. Trust in my sovereignty. I have something planned for you but that is for a surprise later down the road. Enjoy my love, protection, and desire for a deeper relationship with you. " - God

"He lifts the poor from the dust and the needy from the garbage dump. He sets them among princes, placing them in seats of honor. For all the earth is the Lord's, and He has set the world in order." 1 Samuel 2:8

I am thankful for this experience. it stretched me. deepened my trust in God for strength. 
Tomorrow. back in the clinic. 
Back in the classroom. 
New season. 
midwifery. here I come. 

Thank you for your prayers over the last month. For me. my friends. this experience. Your support. So blessed. 

In Christ's Love
Emily Elizabeth

** hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving. We had a roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes and apple crisp... yes we cooked it all over an open fire.

** Thank you to everyone who prayed & financially support for my missionary visa. I GOT A 2 YEAR VISA. and we already got them stamped in our passports yesterday : ) such a relief.

** Planning to do a Christmas support drive. Got a beautiful ministry with an amazing cause that I cant wait to share with you and how you can not only help me but women in India.

** if you would like to know more about the last month I would LOVE to share more in-depth things of what God did and what I experienced. Please email me and lets chica-chica ( chat in visayan) 
schoneman.eemily@gmail.com or go to the contact page

Off to the Bukid.

Monday.
I will be MIA for one whole month. 
from November 2nd to December 2nd.


WHY?

we are being sent to the mountains for an outreach.
to practice our Cebuano that we have learned. 
experience living like our patients. 
meet God in places of darkness. 
health education for children.
surveys for understanding maternal demographics in the villages. 
fellowship. 
encouragement. 
Spiritual growth. 
strengthening relationships with the girls I am living life with. 

This will be a stretching & refining for me. 
We will only take what we can fit in our backpacks. 
Cooking food over a fire. 
sleeping under a mosquito net. 
Digging a hole...

I cant wait. 
I am so excited to learn to cook with foods I have never seen before.
Sleeping on the floor, having a slumber party every night with my friends and bugs. 
Not worrying about if I smell bad or am sweaty (which I am always sweaty) 
Going on hikes from one village to the next. 
Swimming in the river. 
Mastering the squat position.

I can't wait to meet God in places of peace and renewal. 

Discovering Him in all His beautiful creations. 

Seeking the Holy Spirit in difficult situations.

Spending time in communication all day, 

giving thanks and praying for guidance.

I ask for prayers personally and for our team. 
- That we will have Spiritual growth in ways we never imagined.
- We will feel the presence of God and the Holy Spirit in the villages we visit and the homes we will enter. 
- For our health, that Gods hand of protection will be over us while we travel and that our bodies will have strength the whole month. 
- The softening of hearts whom those we will encounter and have conversations with. That God will prepare those individuals. 
- That the devil will not win, and that there will be no fear in what has been put before us. 
- The right words be put on our hearts and tongues especially the right words in Cebuano as most will not understand english. That the last 8 weeks of language school will be remembered and we will be able to understand and grasp the new words we will be learning and speaking. 

** Personally I am really wanting to be intentional with the leading of the Holy Spirit and listening to His guidance and teachings. As we will not have any technology with us, this will be a month of fasting from social media. Without these distractions I want to hear God and see Him in new ways through this time of stretching & going outside of my box and comfort zone. 

>>> I am excited for this adventure. 

>>> For this time to grow and strengthen my relationships with the girls who I have come to trust so deeply. 

>>> To grow deeper in love with God and to see the beauty that He is giving me to remember for the rest of my life.

>>> Developing an understanding of how to better relate to the women who I will come into relation with as a midwife and how to share the incredible love that our God has for them and their babies.

I ask if you remember, to pray for me. For the 5 other girls and their Spiritual walk with God during this next month. For a protection that can only be from God and His Angels. 

Wisdom for our translators. Open hearts of everyone we will meet. 

So if you wonder why I am MIA from facebook, my blogs, & instagram. 

--->>> that is why. <<<---

Cant wait to share with you what God allowed us to 

experience while we are in the bukid. 

{{ Have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving. }}
I am so so very thankful for each and everyone of you who reads this blog. who supports me through prayer. who graciously supports me financially. and to all who love me so well in my lifes adventure. 
I couldn't do this without YOU. and I thank God for your amazing hearts that He has allowed me to get to know and care for. 




Thank you to my amazing family for your never ending love and prayers. I am so thankful that I have you by side. Cant wait to see you all next summer and to share this island && all the beautiful places it has to offer with you. I love you. 

Well...
Until December.

In Christ's Love
Emily Elizabeth

Grace Towards Self.

Grace towards self. 

This one is a hard one. 
Not going to lie I am dreading writing this. I am asking God for the right words to say. 

ready. 


Having grace towards yourself I believe is forgiveness to its fullest. 
learning to accept Gods forgiveness, then forgiving yourself which in turn will allow you to forgive others. 

Forgiving yourself is hard. 
its not apart of our world. as we are always trying to place blame or bury things down so deep that it takes years to come back up and finally tackle what it was we tried so hard to forget. Which usually is harder to deal with. 

We have faults. do you hear that. 
WE ALL HAVE FAULTS.
none of us are perfect. 

We can find forgiveness right there when we put ourselves on a pedestal. 
Allowing room for mistakes. For doing things the wrong way not only the first but fifth time. 
That is the beauty of the grace that we have from God. 
it shows us that its okay to have grace towards ourself. 
To allow room for mistakes. 
So that we don't beat ourselves down so much that we are not able to fully enjoy this one life that we have here on earth. 

Its in those moments where our faith grows just a bit.
Not only in God but in ourself. 

We begin to be comfortable with who we are,
our choices, our body, our decisions, our relationships, our food choices, our style, our discomforts. 

Maybe we are to critical?
Its good to have high standards in some areas of our life but when we have ones that are out of our reach, that we will never be able to achieve, they just make us feel kind of like a loser, then it seems like our failed attempt is always thrown right back in our face. 
You hear the laughter. 
why do we do that to ourself? 

Let grace shine into those times. To be reminded that we don't have to be perfect because God doesn't call us to be perfect, He calls us to love the imperfect in us and everyone. Because He is our creator. 
Thank goodness that He IS perfect.

 “God, God, a God of mercy and grace, endlessly patient—so much love, so deeply true—loyal in love for a thousand generations, forgiving iniquity, rebellion, and sin. " 

Exodus 34:6 MSG

We will never have smoothed out edges. and I personally am thankful for that. Always growing, learning, and always being refined. 

I am thankful for seasons of refinement. 
Knowing that God wants me to draw close to Him and discover something new. 
A peace in His lessons He is teaching me that will in turn produce fruit one day. 

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you.  Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me." John 15:1-4

If we remain in Him, truly in Him. Then we will have complete fulfillment. We will not only have grace towards ourself because we know that it is allowing us to be refined but we will be able to give ourselves more to those who we live our lives with. 

Forgiving your past I think is something we all struggle with. Forgiving ourselves for making mistakes that seem to always tug on our hearts. Those times that we are always reminded of too often and feel so vivid as if they happened yesterday. I wish I could go back and make different decisions. But at the same time I am thankful that God has allowed me to learn & grow from them. They have shaped me into who I am today. Given me insight to give that little bit of wisdom if you might say to others who are in the same situation. 

Yes its hard to forgive myself for those mistakes. But God is sovereign. He is SO full of forgiveness and redemption. He is using me. Using my past. For the future of others. 

So my friends. If you have parts of your life your not happy with. Surrender them to God. Ask Him today to show you how to begin forgiving yourself. Ask Him to use them in the future. To produce fruit in others lives. To use the bad memories for those conversations that point to the good decisions of someone else's future

. 

Begin to love yourself. To find what it means to honestly love who you were created to be. 

Seek forgiveness in areas of your life that are holding you back from living a life filled with pure joy. 

I am very far from loving myself wholeheartedly. But I am getting there. 

 I want to see myself the way He sees me. 

And I want to see you so in love with Jesus. 

Serving Him. 

Complete in Him. 

Finding rest in His arms.

In Christ's Love

Emily Elizabeth

** Finished our Language school this last friday. It was bittersweet as we will miss our teachers but not our 3 hour commute each day! 

** All of the pictures on this blog are from our graduation party this last friday! 

** I will be gone the whole month of November... Blog after this one I will explain where and what I will be doing as I wont be able to be reached for 1 month. 

Prayer Requests:

- A new energy as we transition from going to school 5 days a week to preparing to spend a month in the mountains. 

- Continual growth in the relationships with those I am living in community with here

Mid 20's.

THANK YOU.

to everyone who thought of me on the 15th of this last week.
my birthday.
my 24th birthday.

officially.
I am in my mid 20's now. 

I have never felt so much love.

honestly. 

from all around the world.

it was an amazing, kind of overwhelming feeling.

a V-8 moment.

I am so incredibly blessed by all who I get to share life with. 
Those that God has allowed our paths to cross.
To learn from. 
To love. 
To support. 

I have an amazing family.

amazing friends.

amazing community. 

In the US, Australia, Haiti, Europe and now the Philippines. 

Tuesday: Went out to my favorite restaurant for dinner with a few girls. It was delicious. also got tofu cheesecake << sounds weird but my it was delicious and creamy.


Wednesday: I started off my day by waking up to homemade cinnamon roles && under the sea decorations (I have always wanted a little mermaid party), also got to spend some much needed time journaling reflecting on the last year, what I learned & remember my many memories then make goals for this next year, Spending time with God is so rejuvenating. then went to immigration... what fun, then soaked up the sun poolside with my roomie and then supported my friend with a first time experience milestone.... but that is secret : )


Thursday: Showered with love from my teachers at language school, shaved some coconuts & made Bico aka sticky rice. oh and it was purple to <<< my favorite color. & took a long walk on the beach soaking up Gods beauty.


Today (sunday): the lovely ladies that I live my life with here made a yummy cake << that of which I haven't tried yet since its only 2pm. and I think we are planning on going bowling tonight : ) I just love celebrating more of which just spending time with people.

I got a box full of heart clenching words from my dear friends, an espresso maker, paintings from my niece and nephew, Lara bars, glow in the dark stars && fall candles. I was crying my eyes out reading all the cards and giving God thanks for the people He has put in my life through the last 24 years. 

THANK YOU for making this an amazing birthday. 

for making me feel so valued.

couldn't do this without your support.

&& Love. 

In Christ's Love

Emily Elizabeth