This Christmas || My broken heart.

** this post is honest. and blunt. and might be hard to read but it has been really hard for me to process and write. and I honestly hope that whoever reads this will feel a change taking place in their heart to be apart of making a change in the lives of so many around the world as God calls us to do. 
"Dear friends, do you think you’ll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, “Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!” and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn’t it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense? Not so fast. You can no more show me your works apart from your faith than I can show you my faith apart from my works. Faith and works, works and faith, fit together hand in glove. Do I hear you professing to believe in the one and only God, but then observe you complacently sitting back as if you had done something wonderful? That’s just great. Demons do that, but what good does it do them? Use your heads! Do you suppose for a minute that you can cut faith and works in two and not end up with a corpse on your hands?" James 2:14-20 MSG


{{ God has been wrecking me this last week. }}

the tears come at random times. during yoga. in the shower. on shift.

right now.

He has been opening my eyes to this world. 
to the way His heart has become so broken.

sex trafficking. child soldiers. rape. 

stealing. cheating. gender favoritism. 

brothels. loan sharks. 

and the list goes on....

I don't know why I do this to myself, watching heart wrenching documentaries.
|| BBC documentaries by Stacey Dooley. && Born into Brothels 2004. << watch them they are eye opening and raw.

but I am glad. 

because I think this Christmas, God is trying to tell me something. 

Whisper something in my ear. 

break my heart increasingly more for His future plans for my life. 

Its hard not being with my family this season.
{{ yet there are millions of people, kids, teens, adults around the world that have no hope of talking to their family. let alone knowing if they are okay. }}

WHY has this never sunk deep in my heart before?

• I am mad. mad that satan uses such simple ways of causing deep hurtful sin that becomes habitual. 
• I am mad at men. that so many of them have no self control. that they can continue to rape young girls who are screaming and crying in pain. WHY IS THAT OKAY for them? 
• I am mad at the world. for so many people turning a blind eye to the reality of life for so many in this world. actually, how most of this world lives. 
• I am mad that there are not more people out there helping. discipling men on how to treat women. discipling women on how to provide for their children. discipling kids to grow up living for God. 

I now know a sliver of how much hurt God experiences. 
How broken His heart truly is. 

I can start to see why so many mothers sell their daughters. 

Why so many turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain of their reality. 

How they can speak with so much vulgar to each other because 

they have lost who they themselves are. 

How girls grow up to become the same as their mothers and grandmothers.

I HATE THIS.

and I pray that you do to. 

[[ cause this is not right ]]
We were not created to live like this. 

I know that I can not change the world. with all my hope, sweat, skills. I can't.

but God can. Jesus can. 

>> That is why Jesus was born of a virgin to bring us a hope. 

a salvation. a promise of beautiful eternity. <<

I don't know what God is going to use me for. 
but I hope that He uses me as a vessel to open the eyes of people to the world. to the hurt. the need. the love that is so needed to give. 

I pray that I will go to those places that no one has been to. 

those places where war has ravaged villages, the brothels where girls need physical help & healing, the homes where children are living in damaging filth. 

.......but for now, as hard as it is. I will wait as He prepares my hands........

He is breaking my heart this season. >>> more then ever.
Reminding me what Christmas really is about. 

we always say that yet are you actually living it?

ponder that.
I think we are all guilty of it.
I know that I am.

I am going to be honest and say I am sad that I am not able to give the gift of hope to women in India like I wanted to this Christmas season. That I am only going to be able to help a few women with the amount of support that has come to me this month.
But sometimes God is the one who does the big things on the end that we don't see.
a wise friend told me once that God told her.... "The people I place before you are the ones you need to help in that moment."

There is still a week left of December. 

Will you think of helping these mothers start a small business so they don't even have to think about what is going to happen if they can't pay their debt. cause to be honest, their options are few and do involve the reality of 

selling their daughters, their own self, their life. 

This Christmas will you live out what this season is really about? 

I challenge you to pray for the world. For those who don't even get the joy to celebrate this time of year or who even get to have a glimpse of the hope that Jesus brought with His birth. 

Will you help me give this HOPE to the women of India?
>> for info on Gifts of Joy to Our Sisters Around the World 2014 (Christmas fundraiser) you can read it in a past post Christmas to the Women of India.

If yes, thank you for joining me in this Christmas Gift (click to donate). 
If not this year, I ask earnestly that you pray for their hearts, their families & they will somehow see God shine through in their life this next year. 

I so wish I could be doing something more. I want to be doing more. 
But God has me in the exact place He wants me and I am learning SO much.  
I have hope that He will send me to these places. 




Merry Christmas to everyone.
I am thankful that we get to celebrate this season.
That there is a true, pure and real reason to celebrate. 

Thank you God for sending your Son to this earth in a perfect example of humility. Thank you for the promise that You give us, the promise of eternity with you. The promise of tomorrow. The promise of a love that is everlasting and pure. 

In Christ's love
Emily Elizabeth