Fé mal.

English - Pain
Creole - Fé Mal

That word rings in my ear from the women in labor. 
20 Hours. Only white person. Over night. Mosquitos. Yelling women. Cool breeze. No coffee. Walking. Waiting. Stares. Creole only. Vomit. Trash. No privacy. New friendships. New Memories. 

I experienced hands on, Haitian medical system. 

We were bounced from hospital to hospital. Only some places did deliveries. Only some can do C-sections.

We ended up at La Paix Lopital. <---- Haitian only. Creole only. Nursing school.

This opened my eyes and heart to what God has given me a desire for. To give control of their pregnancies & birthing experience. To be able to do other things then just walk up and down a bare hall. To have loved ones by their sides the whole way through. To understand and have a say in what is going on. A private room. A relaxing atmosphere. no fluorescent lights. Only familiar faces. 

Momma had a beautiful healthy, 8 pound 11 oz stubborn boy. delivered by c-section after grueling hours of pain and slow progress. 

Momma asked us to name him. 
<< Jerry Michael. 
             First name > Rhyans Gpa.    Middle name > My dad

This was a gift from God. A peek into my near future. To see what these women go through. Their experience. To see the holes. The way that we can serve these women. To give them a different experience. 

Thank you for all your prayers. Your support. God wants me to be a midwife. I am thankful. You are helping me get there. 

Continue to pray for momma as she heals from her surgery. That there will be no infections or complications. Pray for a healthy bond between momma and baby. Momma has amazing support. I am truly thankful for that. 

"To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps." 1 Peter 2:21

If you would like to help us on this journey. Please pray about supporting Espwa Berlancia with a one time gift or supporting monthly so we will be able to give these women a different experience. We can't do this without your help. The women that God bring into our program need YOUR support. You will be apart of bringing these new lives into this world. 
You can donate at www.espwaberlancia.org 

In Christ's Love
E

Psalm 116.

I love the Lord because he hears my voice

    and my prayer for mercy.

 

Because he bends down to listen,

    I will pray as long as I have breath!

 

Death wrapped its ropes around me;

    the terrors of the grave[a] overtook me.

    I saw only trouble and sorrow.

 

Then I called on the name of the Lord:

    “Please, Lord, save me!”

 

How kind the Lord is! How good he is!

    So merciful, this God of ours!

 

The Lord protects those of childlike faith;

    I was facing death, and he saved me.

 

Let my soul be at rest again,

    for the Lord has been good to me.

 

He has saved me from death,

    my eyes from tears,

    my feet from stumbling.

 

And so I walk in the Lord’s presence

    as I live here on earth!

 

I believed in you, so I said,

    “I am deeply troubled, Lord.”

 

In my anxiety I cried out to you,

    “These people are all liars!”

 

What can I offer the Lord

    for all he has done for me?

 

I will lift up the cup of salvation

    and praise the Lord’s name for saving me.

 

I will keep my promises to the Lord

    in the presence of all his people.

The Lord cares deeply

    when his loved ones die.

 

O Lord, I am your servant;

    yes, I am your servant, born into your household;

    you have freed me from my chains.

 

I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving

    and call on the name of the Lord.

 

I will fulfill my vows to the Lord

    in the presence of all his people—

 

in the house of the Lord

    in the heart of Jerusalem.

Praise the Lord!

Motherhood. II

Motherhood. 
There is no one way to be a parent. to be a mother. 

My observations over my time here in Haiti on motherhood of Haitian women. 

Motherhood is different in so many ways. 

In Haiti its the women's responsibility to provide for the family, to put food on the table, pay for school tuition, provide for the everyday needs.

as well as….

Doing all the laundry, by hand, hunched over scrubbing clothes, then wringing them out and hanging them in the sun to dry, but only if there is enough water to do all the laundry. 

as well as…

Making all the meals if which they can afford. Sifting through all the rice and beans and any other food to make sure there are no bugs or rocks, then boiling water and cooking over a charcoal fire which takes twice as long. 

as well as…

clean the whole house, which isn't big but may consist of dirt floors, or tiles floors covered in dust as well as rest of the house which may be covered in dust. Her house might be a tiny little square or a 2-3 bedroom place. But this time of year, no rain, the dust piles up everyday. 

as well as…

Selling in the market place either fruits, veggies, clothes, just anything that they can sell to provide the average amount of $2.00 per day that most haitians make and live on. They sit all day in the heat, competing with the 20 other women selling the exact same produce. 

How are they supposed to take their children to the park to have a play date, how are they supposed to take a nap while their child is, how are they supposed to spend quality time when they have to work all day. 

This is not a 3rd world problem. Its a 3rd world reality. 

That 1 in 5 children will die before the age of 5 shows the lack of connection between mother and child and helps me to understand why I get so frustrated. 

There is no child care, there is limited school opportunities to those who have little income, therefore the children sit. They have little stimulation from those who are taking care of them because they are not their immediate family and do not love them as their own. 

Yet communities, women, come together to support each other. watch each others children while working. Those children may not receive the same attention but some of them are lucky enough to have several "mother figures" in their lives. 

The mothers, the women, the girls are taught from a young age that they are to provide everything. They are to fetch water, take care of the children, make the food, do the laundry. 

And what are the men doing? Well to be honest some do nothing and some do everything. Many are lazy and expect the women to cater to them. Many work very hard to provide for their families. One of my favorite sights to see is a dad carrying his child. Most times i see them dropping off or picking their child up from school. This warms my heart and makes me smile every time.

Motherhood is different here. Its different in the US. Its different in Australia. Its different in India. Its different in Peru. Its different everywhere. 

God did that on purpose I think. 

There is no one right way. 

But there is one right way to becoming the best mother you can be, and that is following our Perfect Father who loves us and desires so many things for us. Allowing Him to guide us and show us how we show our love to children, how we desire to mother our children, and how to raise up our children to be voices in this world for Him. 

Thank you to all those amazing mothers out there. Wherever you live, however you parent, thank you for doing everything you can do for your children. 

Haiti is teaching me so much. How can God use me to make a difference here? 

I believe He called me here to love these women in a way that is so specific, from the very beginning of becoming a mother. Going through a journey that is so unique to every women. 

To break that statistic that 1 in every 5 children die before the age of 5. 

Please join me. Please join me in loving these women. Please join me in begin apart of their everyday lives. Please join me in helping them with their laundry, cooking their food, taking care of their children. 

I need your help. I am learning that being a missionary you have to put aside your pride and ask. Specifically for financial funds. I do not like leaning on other people, I do not like being a burden to others lives. Yet I can't do what God has called me to do without YOU. 

I am wanting to begin my midwifery classes as soon as I can afford them. The 30 units together are $360 if I pay upfront. I will need to purchase books as well for studying. 

I would love to begin my classes next month but I have decided to fundraise the month of february. 

All I need is….

One person a day to do a ONE TIME GIFT of $20.   

------------> that is only 4 drinks at starbucks. <---------------

There are 28 days in february. I need ONLY 28 individuals.  That will allow me to enroll in classes and pay for the needed books. 

PLEASE PRAY ABOUT THIS. 

if you would like to join me in making a change here in Haiti, in these women's live, in what God is doing in this country…

CLICK --->  https://www.worldoutreach.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&view=wrapper&Itemid=117
Then find my name. Schoneman, Emily - HAITI and follow the instructions to do a ONE TIME gift.



I thank you from the top & bottom of my heart. I am ready for God to use me in this way. To begin this calling. To educate women & catch some babies : ) 


In Christ's Love,
E

Motherhood.

The last week the word that has been running through my mind.

SELFLESSNESS

What describes every part of being a mother.

SELFLESSNESS

What is Jesus trying to teach me to be.

SELFLESS

I have had the amazing privilege to watch Christella, to be a foster mom, to feed her nourishment in more ways then just through feeding her healthy food. 

I am learning what it is like to be a single mom. To have to focus all my attention onto Christella. When was her last bottle? She needs to take a nap. Whats that smell? 

The difference between Christella and my girls I have nannied is that I know they have a comfortable bed and loving family to go home to at night. Christella is with me all the time, she goes to bed in my room, eats in my lap, naps in my arms. She is my responsibility. Right here. Right now. This feeling I have with her is different beyond any feeling I have ever had towards a child in a way that I think of her as my daughter right now. 

Giving up those afternoon naps to get things done during her nap time. Making her food that will be healthy and full of nourishment. Playing with her when there are 5 other things I could be doing. Helping her stand to strengthen her legs & help her to crawl. Changing her ever so many dirty diapers. Holding her when she is crying out. Waking up at 5am.

My coffee addiction is full throttle and I don't see a need to change that now. 3 cups a day. Mw Bien

But that is me learning SELFLESSNESS in a whole new way. 

I love all the children that God brought into my life and I want only the best for them. Nothing will ever replace those memories and that love I have for each of them. Morgan, Alexandra, Alicia & Annabel. You are forever in my heart. 

I give more and more credit everyday to my mom, my sisters, all those moms who do anything and everything they can for their children. God truly knew what He was doing when He created Eve, when He decided that we would play this role in society. I would have it no other way. 

God is allowing me to fill a desire right now. My desire to be a mother. To love someone else so much that it hurts my heart to keep it in. To be that one person that she lifts her arms to when she wants to be held in a room full of people.

Thank You Lord. 

I do not know what is going to happen with Christella. But that is where my trust is completely in Him. I trust that God will do what is best for Christella. I pray that He will provide for mum. I pray that His will be done in both of their lives. 

I am thankful that there is no one right way to parent. That He has it planned out for each of us specifically. That no book, professional or person has it perfect on how to be a mother. 

All I know is to be a mother is to learn SELFLESSNESS and to LOVE in a way that only God understands. 

I have been reading Matthew and the thing that keeps popping out is Jesus knew what was going to happen to Him. Several times He predicts His death and resurrection. He knew what was coming yet He continued to heal. He continued to love. He continued to do what God has put Him on earth to do.

SELFLESSNESS

I can't express how incredibly selfish I am to want so much when all I really need is HIM. All I need is His approval. All I need is to become more like Him and less like me. I want people to not see me, Emily, but to see the love of Christ that radiates through me. To accept everyone. to really love those who are hurting, poor, broken & in need of a Savior. 

I am praying everyday that God will take this selfishness out of my heart for wanting to mother Christella for the rest of my life. I am doing everything I can to just focus on today, right now, loving her to the fullest. Not to worry about the day I say goodbye. 

I love her with a deep motherly love. 

I can only give that glory to God. He has put this desire in my heart. Wether this is a sneak peek at whats to come or not, I can not stop thanking God for this opportunity. 

To all you moms out there. Thank you for being amazing role models and doing things the way you think is best. Thank you for loving with your whole heart. Thank you for becoming SELFLESS in a way that only mothers can understand. Thank you. 

In Christ's Love

E

 " My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from Me. Yet I want your will to be done, not Mine." Matthew 26:39

Alleluia.

Okay. So I really want to write a blog about what God has been revealing to me this past week. 

But it is almost 12pm. Its been a long week. And sleeping with a 13 month old snoring in my room.

So I will work on my blog soon. most likely not this weekend because I will be helping out at an orphanage having a slumber party with 3 babies, one which needs to be fed every 3-4 hours. So come monday I will be a zombie? 

I am going to just say that God is moving in my heart. He is allowing me to be a mom. One of the things I desire the most. I love Christella & know that no matter what happens God had this planned out not only for her but for me. 

She has brought a joy in my life through her giggles, smiles, the way she says Alleluia, when she reaches her arms out to just be held, oh I could go on and on and on. 

I am going to be honest and say that I don't want to give her back to Mum because I want her as my daughter. But this is selfish and I am really learning what it means to trust God and completely surrender this whole situation to Him. I want Him to do what His will is in Christella's life. If that happens to include me I know that it is because He trusts me to be a mom : ) 

but that is getting ahead right now. and that will be in my next blog. 

for now. some pictures of my sweet little girl Christella. 

Christella. My new roommate.

Everyone. Meet the big beautiful eyed Christella 

She is 1 years old. 2 months ago she weighed 10 pounds, therefore began living with Rhyan.

She is up to around 13 pounds now. But still has a long way to go.

Her mum has a 3 year old girl, Christella, and just had a handsome baby boy with NO husband or father to help, no siblings, only the godparents of the girls.

We were planning to send Christella home with mum monday after spending a few days with us,  but after a talk tonight I feel God putting on my heart to keep Christella with me for a few more weeks while mum can get back on her feet as she expressed several times she has no way of feeding her girlsand herself.

This cycle NEEDS to stop. 

So PLEASE pray with me that God will provide mum with a job where she can support her 2 girls. 

at the end of January if she has not found a job then I will be raising $150 to give her as a loan through KOFAEL. ( please be praying that God will provide financially for this loan, could it be you?)  She will then in turn enroll in this micro loan program where she will pay back her loan and if she does then receive a larger loan. I am praying that God will provide her with a fruitful job.

I pray that her and Christella will be reunited and not have to be separated again.

For now meet my first baby girl. I am so excited to spend these next weeks with her. Playing with her & loving her. She has already shown a love for taking baths & copying my words. 

If you feel God putting on your heart to support Christella during these next weeks please donate through the give tab at the top. I will be providing her with food, diapers and anything else that this sweet girl needs. Please email me at schoneman.eemily@gmail.com with the amount that is designated towards supporting Christella so I know to put that in her fund. 

Thank you for your prayers as they are needed the most, for mum  & Christella. Their improved health. That they will be able to stay a family. For my strength and motherly knowledge. Wisdom.

In Christ's Love,
E

Momma & baby taking a nap together.