SELFLESSNESS
What describes every part of being a mother.
SELFLESSNESS
What is Jesus trying to teach me to be.
SELFLESS
I have had the amazing privilege to watch Christella, to be a foster mom, to feed her nourishment in more ways then just through feeding her healthy food.
I am learning what it is like to be a single mom. To have to focus all my attention onto Christella. When was her last bottle? She needs to take a nap. Whats that smell?
The difference between Christella and my girls I have nannied is that I know they have a comfortable bed and loving family to go home to at night. Christella is with me all the time, she goes to bed in my room, eats in my lap, naps in my arms. She is my responsibility. Right here. Right now. This feeling I have with her is different beyond any feeling I have ever had towards a child in a way that I think of her as my daughter right now.
Giving up those afternoon naps to get things done during her nap time. Making her food that will be healthy and full of nourishment. Playing with her when there are 5 other things I could be doing. Helping her stand to strengthen her legs & help her to crawl. Changing her ever so many dirty diapers. Holding her when she is crying out. Waking up at 5am.
My coffee addiction is full throttle and I don't see a need to change that now. 3 cups a day. Mw Bien
But that is me learning SELFLESSNESS in a whole new way.
I love all the children that God brought into my life and I want only the best for them. Nothing will ever replace those memories and that love I have for each of them. Morgan, Alexandra, Alicia & Annabel. You are forever in my heart.
I give more and more credit everyday to my mom, my sisters, all those moms who do anything and everything they can for their children. God truly knew what He was doing when He created Eve, when He decided that we would play this role in society. I would have it no other way.
God is allowing me to fill a desire right now. My desire to be a mother. To love someone else so much that it hurts my heart to keep it in. To be that one person that she lifts her arms to when she wants to be held in a room full of people.
Thank You Lord.
I do not know what is going to happen with Christella. But that is where my trust is completely in Him. I trust that God will do what is best for Christella. I pray that He will provide for mum. I pray that His will be done in both of their lives.
I am thankful that there is no one right way to parent. That He has it planned out for each of us specifically. That no book, professional or person has it perfect on how to be a mother.
All I know is to be a mother is to learn SELFLESSNESS and to LOVE in a way that only God understands.
I have been reading Matthew and the thing that keeps popping out is Jesus knew what was going to happen to Him. Several times He predicts His death and resurrection. He knew what was coming yet He continued to heal. He continued to love. He continued to do what God has put Him on earth to do.
SELFLESSNESS
I can't express how incredibly selfish I am to want so much when all I really need is HIM. All I need is His approval. All I need is to become more like Him and less like me. I want people to not see me, Emily, but to see the love of Christ that radiates through me. To accept everyone. to really love those who are hurting, poor, broken & in need of a Savior.
I am praying everyday that God will take this selfishness out of my heart for wanting to mother Christella for the rest of my life. I am doing everything I can to just focus on today, right now, loving her to the fullest. Not to worry about the day I say goodbye.
I love her with a deep motherly love.
I can only give that glory to God. He has put this desire in my heart. Wether this is a sneak peek at whats to come or not, I can not stop thanking God for this opportunity.
To all you moms out there. Thank you for being amazing role models and doing things the way you think is best. Thank you for loving with your whole heart. Thank you for becoming SELFLESS in a way that only mothers can understand. Thank you.
In Christ's Love
E
" My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from Me. Yet I want your will to be done, not Mine." Matthew 26:39
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