beaten down pt 2.

Cause I don't feel like I got everything out.
there are still words.
phrases.
unmet emotions in my heart.

I have felt that these last weeks.
I have been listening to those who have been hurt.
abused.
taken advantage of.
belittled.

We do not need this in the world.
there is already so much crap going on.
with bullying. putting others down. negativity.
oh lawd.
we do not need anymore negativity in this world today.

We are told to lift each other up.
support.
uphold.
call each other higher.
pour into.
validate.
listen with open ears & heart.
breathe courage into.
meet together in the same place.
be honest.
non-judgmental.
love.

are you doing this?
are you being this to those you live in community with?
to those God is putting before you.

i think. that once you have gone through this type of persecution.
and maybe it has taken you going through it multiple times.
to realize truth. identity.
to learn to seek the way that our Father see's you.
and once you have a clear vision and understanding.
it overtakes you and you can't help but pour out into others.
through love, positivity and optimism.

coming out from under the rock of oppression is always excruciating.
finding people of peace.
to be vulnerable and open with is important.
to help you escape the heaviness.
and who will breathe truth into those scars.
but I know within that we have been hurt.
its hard.

If this is you, your finding yourself in a season of being beaten down by someone around you.
I am here for you.
If not me, search for someone who is trustworthy.
Who has a deep relationship with the Lord.
to feed you truth.
to open up the Word with.
to find wisdom and healing.
Through Jesus Christ.

I am more than willing to walk with you through this hurt and pain.
Cause I know it took me a good while.
and I still find bits of pain to heal from.
but I want to love you through this.
and I want you to know your not alone.
That you are so worthy and valued.
That you are not a mistake.
that God created you exactly how you are.
Your not a mistake.
He knows what He is doing always.
Your not a mistake.
not a burden.
not a nuisance.
You are a gem.
and I want to help you see that.
Cause I can tell you.
Once i realized how precious I am to Jesus.
no one else opinions mattered.
Yes of course I still struggle daily.
but we are human.

But with Jesus, reading the Word & His truth.
It helps my heart and mind transform.
into viewing myself the way He does.

That people do not and will not ever know me better then my Father does.
No one can tell me who to be.
what to do.
Because they did not create me.
They are human too.

So if you find yourself in this situation,
of being beaten down and not valued but those place in authority over you.
If you are still dealing with the scars.
searching for who you are and why your here.
for truth, value && purpose.

Message me. Lets chat. I want to be a place of peace, truth & vulnerability.
To walk with you through this.
we can help each other.
even if it is just promising to pray with you daily for healing.
for God to reveal himself & His purpose for your life.
I am here.

In Christ's Love.
Emily Elizabeth

Beaten Down.

Healing.
its exhausting.
it is one of those things I feel like is never ending.
always reviving past memories, emotions, hurt, anger, pain.

5 years.
experiencing the hurt my heart has endured.
from being torn down.
being examined.
by those placed in authority over me.
determining that who I am is not good enough.
the woman God has created me to be.
does not fit their "environment"
their ministry.
their "way of life"

Satan has a way of feeding lies.
in places you would least expect.
using people who you should trust.
seek wise counsel from.
&& who you can be vulnerable without judgement

Yet those handful of people who have been placed in my life in that way.
Broke me the most.
Made me feel devalued.
not good enough.
a flawed woman, christian, midwife.
human being.
That my individuality was not welcomed.
the gifts God has given me not valued.
The encouragement to pursue Christ, missing.

Maybe it was because I was too independent.
I had God given direction.
I experienced a lot of life on my own already.
Lived in foreign countries.
3rd world countries.
Have a vibrancy && joy for life.
Following God to the beat of His drum.
Apparently threatened that I am strong in several ways.
I have tattoos and piercings.
and God-forbid, a womans body.

Cutting away through the lies and over-growth.
has been challenging and taken time.
its courage & the knowing of what unknown will be brought up.

why do we let these lies seep into our hearts and take root?
even when we know they are not truth?

I am a stronger woman today.
My faith is rooted deeper in Christ and His truths.
I have learned to run to The Word.
To comfort my heart and let it be flooded with acceptance.
My identity to be formed daily by the Words of Jesus.
He is my defender.

So if anyone has experienced this in the world,
which I am sure all of us have.
Run to Jesus.
Find truth in His Word.
Let Him reveal to your heart your value and worth.
And know that we can only ever trust in Him.
Cause He is perfect, true, righteous, loving, holy && so much more.

I am sorry that you have been hurt by other Christians who have been put in authority over you.
We are all in our own seasons and don't know what one another is going through.
But that doesn't give them right to break you down, make you feel so small and so insignificant.
Jesus came to teach us to love one another.
And I believe we are failing miserably at that in so many ways.

We as a Body of Christ should be lifting each other up.
no matter what background, ethnicity, culture, language, birth place, family or struggles we have been through.

One thing I have learned through this all,
If God desires for me to have a ministry one day, which I hope He does,
Is how to not treat those who come to volunteer, work and pour into those we are ministering to,
more importantly, how to live in healthy community,
and how to NOT treat someone.
Lets Encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ to keep going.
Even more, those who don't know Jesus,
Cause that is where they will see a difference in us and that seed will be planted.
That there will always be good days and bad days.
But in the end.
We are told to.

"Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who love another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, "you shall not commit adultery, you shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not covet," and any other commandment, are summed up in this word: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Love does no wrong to a neighbor, therefore love is the fulfilling of the law." Romans 13:8-10

So if you are loving genuinely and wholeheartedly those around you, your doing something right. Something that give glory to God and makes his heart full. If you have endured judgement and not love. Trust me, let it go and know that its not right and true. God will heal and bring good to it all. It may take time but He fulfills His promises to us. And living in forgiveness is so much easier then holding anger towards someone. There is an end to the storm, Jesus is holding your hand, and there will be vibrant growth that comes from this modern day persecution.

And if your being a bully. Just stop it please. We don't need anymore in this world.

A manger.

Now at this time Mary arose and went in a hurry to the hill country, to a city of Judah, and entered the house of Zacharias and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. And she cried out with a loud voice and said, "Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! 'And how has it happened to me, that the mother of my Lord would come to me? For behold, when the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped in my womb for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord."   Luke 1:39-45

My very first "catch" and a birth that
took multiple hands, sweat &&
words of encouragement.

Mary.
Favored. 
An unwed virgin. 
Her heart pursued by the Perfect. 
Blessed. 

" And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord."

How powerful this verse is. 
How it can be true to us all in seasons & promises of our lives. 

Jesus, your promises are so beautiful to see fulfilled. 

As I look back on this year.
God fulfilled a promise He made to me on August 7, 2013.

"But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good new of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the City of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." 
Luke 2 : 10-12

I found a new babe, in a tin shack in the slum of Port-au-Prince. 
This boy.
Named Isaiah. 
Became my sign that my life had greater meaning and calling. 
God had His own desire that I would never imagine for myself.

The families I got be be apart of, this one
in particular. So grateful to have walked this season
with them & welcome their son into this world.

{{ A Midwife. }}

Through a long journey, spanning 3 years, 2 continents, countless hours, sweat, deep breaths, empowering words, long nights taking on long days, confusion, growth, ticking clocks, laughs & tears, disappointment, triumphs, different languages and babies. many many babies. 
over 200 first breaths I was beautifully allowed to witness. 

I can officially say that I am a Certified Professional Midwife.

Graduate with an Associates of Science in Midwifery degree.

no longer a student. 

The ending of one journey always entails the beginning of a new one. 
One that is taking me to a different state. 
Always bittersweet. 

My very last "catch" as a student midwife.
and what a redeeming empowered birth this was.
(6 week postpartum pictured ^^)

But leaving the bitter and allowing the sweet to come with me. 

God is pointing me north, towards family & new opportunities in Kansas City. 

Thank you does not even start to describe the gratitude I have to everyone who prayed, supported, spoke words of encouragement & loved me over these years. Without God using you in all the ways He did, I feel like I would not be where I find myself today. So I pray for blessings beyond magnitude for you in all you have poured out to me. 

My Family, you know my heart & how much I love each and everyone of you. For all your prayers and always believing in me. I am so grateful to have celebrated this achievement with you and for loving me through the mountains and valleys. 

A thank you from the innermost part of my heart to all of my teachers, supervisors and preceptors who have poured into me over the last 3 years. The skills you helped pull out of me, the words you instilled in me as a midwife, the long days & nights spent together with a laboring mother. You were some of my biggest cheerleaders and without you and your commitment to seeing me through this journey is something I could never speak the right words of thanks towards. My Filipino Ate's & Texas sisters. Your hearts are beautiful and the works of your hands blessed. Thank you for loving in such an intimate way in the most intimate time of a woman's life and for allowing me to witness it. 



This is something I never believed in myself, that I would go back to school and graduate with a degree. Like Mary, I questioned why God would choose me. But now that isn't even a question. I now ask where God is going to take me with these skills and I ask Him to use me in every way possible to bring His kingdom here on earth and to be His love to all those I serve. 


Praying for a year of noticeable change, growth and laughter. That God will open new doors that produce vibrant fruit & radiant joy. 


Joyous New Years. 
In Christ's Love 
Emily Elizabeth.