fearing hope.

ever been one to hope for something.
yearn.
wait with anticipation.
ask.
and not receive.
for days.
months.
years.

Here I am,
with my hand raised high.
the fear I woke up with this morning.
the heaviness on my chest.
the tears in my eyes.
feeling like I am on the edge of a cliff.
falling into it would be to be hoping again.
for something good.
something my heart desires.
to let fully go of this box I have placed my heart in.

meaning trusting Jesus.

I know God is good.
He has done things in my life I take no credit for.
incredible adventures I never imagined.

"ask and you will receive"
Is one of the hardest verses for me.

cause I have asked.
for my hyperhydrosis to be healed.
my heart to be loved.
to be a midwife again.
to find a rhythm of health.
my body to replicate what I put into it.

Yet all of those,
those desires.
those questions.
those heavy things that weigh my life down.
are still yet to be answered.
pouring them out daily.
letting the tears flow in surrender.
not knowing what else to do.

asking myself am I sincere enough for Him to listen?
am I being selfish?
is my heart in the right place?
is it lined up with His heart?

I am scared to hope,
because I don't know how much more
heartbreak my heart can handle.
I am becoming a skeptic.
knowing that God can do miracles for others.
but when it comes to me,
I doubt.
why do I deserve it?
punishing myself for past choices.

I am scared to hope,
because what if what I hope for,
actually happens.
and I realize I wasn't ready.
or its too overwhelming.

I am scared to hope,
but without hope,
what is there in life to keep us waking up each morning?
putting one foot in front of the other?
loving the one person before us?

Hope is what propels us to continue to seek Jesus,
His path & journey that He set us on,
created & desired for us when we were untouched by this world.
when pain & hurt had not formed us yet.

Hope is what keeps our posture,
to our ever present Help in trouble.
Hope is what keeps our eyes fixed on our Savior.
Knowing He is doing a good work in us.
sanctifying us.
pruning off the dead abandoned fruit of our past,
and nourishing the buds of future fruit
for us to share.

As the heaviness slowly melts off my shoulders
as I worship and give praise to Jesus this morning.
for the sunshine that is making its way to greet earth.
for the hope that He is working.
He is speaking.
He is connecting dots.
Today I may not fully fall into hopes arms.
But that is the beauty of grace.
it keeps calling you back.
asking you, "today, will you fully place your trust and hope in me?"

we have that chance.
are you going to take it?

Hope.
putting your faith into someone or something unknown.
how scary.
yet what a beautiful picture of faith.
we don't deserve it.
but who are we without it?


This song, I have been allowing my heart to mediate on it.
Letting the truth of WHO God is envelope me.
He is giving me new memories.
Because He gives me His whole heart.

In Christ's hope filled love,
Emily Elizabeth

A weary world. Rejoice.

the pain.
the hurt.
the heaviness.
the memories that chase you.
the words that continue to break you. 
the darkness that envelops you. 
the breath you can't seem to catch. 
the list that topples you with anxiety. 
the outside that doesn't match the inside.
the inside that doesn't match the outside.

the Savior that came for us,
to carry it all. 
the Word that became flesh,
to this world of chaos. 
the Hope of all humanity, 
to the forgotten and lonely. 
the Love that was born,
to fill the deep crevices in our heart. 
the Light that was born,
to finally and forever triumph over darkness. 

Be still today. 
Before your King of Kings.
Before your Prince of Peace. 
Before your Wonderful Counselor.
Before your Mighty God. 
Before your Eternal Father.

Quiet your soul.
So that the vastness of this Promised savior,
may dwell in your heart.
That He left His throne,
To come here as flesh.
To be with us.
Pursue intimate relationship
WITH US. 
Be vulnerable before your King. 
so that your heart will receive 
true intimacy with your Jesus. 
This miracle. This light. This hope. 
That was swaddled in a manger. 
Surrounded by the stars.
The very people He created. 

Let Him carry out His purpose in your life.
To take all that burdens you. 
Cause He desires you to walk in lightness. 
In freedom. 
Surrounded in His everlasting love. 
Release it all to Him. 
That is why He came. 
On this Christmas day in Bethlehem. 
To rescue us from this world. 

"When the time came to completion, 
God sent His Son, born of a woman, 
born under the law, to redeem those under the law, 
so that we might receive adoption 
as sons & daughters." Galatians 4:4-5

Merry Christmas. 
May He dwell in your heavy hearts today,
and fill them with the gift of heavenly hope. 

Emily Elizabeth

A Thrill of Hope.

A Thrill of Hope,
The weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new glorious morn
Fall on your knees
O hear the angels' voices
O night divine
O night when Christ was born.

A thrill of H O P E. 
A thrill of putting one step in front of the other.
A thrill of dreaming. 
A thrill of waking up each morn. 
A thrill of new seasons.
A thrill of distant opportunities becoming present.
A thrill of loving who is in front of you.
A thrill of the present monotony. 

God has a way of reminding you how far you have grown.
For me, 
It came in a conversation. 
That even a year ago.
Would have brought anger, bitterness, hurt & pain
back to the surface of seasons of my past. 
Yet, 
My heart was flooded with peace.
I am healed. 
God has removed all the pain.
The memories that were good & bad. 
That brought laughter and tears. 
That chapter, those scars. 
Have been redeemed. 

This could have only been done,
Thought the complete surrender.
The abandonment of trying to do it on my own.
Always holding to this H O P E,
that one day I would be filled with peace. 
That one day the scars would be healed. 
and that day is finally here. 
Thank you Jesus. 

Because living,
especially living being held so passionately by Christ. 
Having your heart, mind & soul
consumed by Jesus.
And allowing His redemptive compassion
to sweep through every cavern,
every scar that covers the surface
and deep hidden place of your heart.
Those scars that are heavy too carry. 
For Him to whisper a freedom from them.
Thats why He is who He is. 
Why He came to this dark place.
To bring a H O P E of healing.
A wholeness. 
A safe place to pour out every foreign & familiar emotion. 
Living in Jesus. 
placing your H O P E in Him. 
revitalizes you to get up each day. 
To love those with every gifted breath.
and to live in a place of serving others. 
Thats living. 

My life is not what I envisioned it to be.
at 28. 
Each holiday season I H O P E,
that next year I'll have a man to share it with.
That I still won't be the single one in the family, 
or be celebrating it alone. 
Yet, its been years.
and I still find myself empty in this department. 
But its the continual H O P E
that I place within Jesus hands. 
That keep filling me with anticipation for this season. 
Because I know He is good. 
I know He created us to be in relationship,
to share life with community. 
And so I can't help but H O P E
That one year,
One Christmas. 
I'll be sharing it with a man,
whom has placed that H O P E
in Jesus
the way I have over these many years. 
That we will be celebrating the birth of our Savior.
Our wound healer. 
Falling on our knees giving thanks.
For the most special gift. 
For each other 
and that Jesus desired this love. 

So, as I pick up dog poop and sweep up glitter
and get ready to wait in the school pick up line.
I choose to fill my heart with H O P E
again this season.
Asking Jesus to fill my heart,
to not allow my soul to see the lack in my life.
But the goodness, joy & laughter around me. 
To listen intently, 
to His promises & words of love
to fill my heart that yearns greatly. 

A thrill of H O P E.
Its what this season is about. 
and I choose to keep H O P E I N G 
that this season will come to an end
as a new one blossoms before me. 
A thrill of H O P E
to keep me getting out of bed each morn.
seeing the twinkle of my Christmas tree.
reminding my heart.
Where would I be without Jesus. 
Where would I be without healing.
Where would I be without redemption. 
Where would I be without H O P E. 

A thrill of H O P E.
What do you H O P E for this season? 
Tell Jesus. 
Surrender it to Jesus. 
Hold it close to your precious heart
let it keep you taking that next step each day. 
Cause He who promises is faithful. 


With a heart anxiously awaiting 
for the birth of my Jesus.
Emily Elizabeth

Whats your just?

I am just a nanny.
I am just a barista.
I am just a stay at home mom.
I am just a teacher.
I am just...
I am just...
I am just...

fill in the blank.
What are you just?

This has been challenging me lately.
It's like God is trying to reveal more of who I am.
Unscrew the parts of my heart.
that label me as
Just
something.

Is that all we are in this world?
In this life?
We are just something?

In each season we are expressed as something.
Someone.
a vessel.
a piece of wood being chiseled intricately .
clay being meticulously molded.
a painting experiencing its last few strokes.
we are not just a just.
because we were not created by just a Just person.

We are a daughter.
We are a son.
We were created in the image of Jesus.
A Holy, perfect, compassionate Savior.
Who not just walked this earth.
But died for our sins and shame.
Just so we can experience intimate relationship,
With our creator.
Just so we can journey through sanctification,
And feel Gods breath in our lungs.
Just so our purpose in this world doesn't feel like a lost one,
But one filled with strength to put one step in front of the other.
To love that one.
That HE just puts in front of our eyes.

I am not JUST a nanny.
As that is where I find myself in this season.
with that title.
But I am a nanny who love these 4 sweet souls fiercely.
Their taxi driver.
Who takes all responsibility for their safety.
A chef feeding their bodies.
with tasty nutritious food.
Their prayer warrior.
A mentor to help guide them to right and wrong.
I am Someone they can trust.
Especially when I am buying them underwear.
I feel like its an automatic.

This seasons title may define me as JUST a nanny.
But I have come to walk more confidently in my identity
as a warrior daughter of Christ.
And right now that looks like being a vessel.
in whatever way.
however.
bursting my dream bubbles.
that bring me to reality of right here and now.
As long as He is using me to love.
To reveal His heart.
And to speak truth.
then have your way Jesus, please.

This reality hit me hard.
realizing belittling is a huge part of life,
my life.

bringing myself down to a "just" level.
because this isn't what I envisioned my life
especially at 28.
and after going to midwifery school.

but God always has a way of making me laugh.
doing the thing that is probably one of the hardest jobs.
that I said I wouldn't be doing again.
not only cause I so desperately want my own kids.
but because taking care of kids.
is flat out exhausting.
but so rewarding.
fulfilling.
when you see that tiny glimmer
that you may just be making a difference.
in their life.
seeing the fruit.
of all the countless hours behind the steering wheel,
waiting in the school pick up line or dropping off at practice.
the meals that are either consumed by their mouths or the trashcan,
after spending hours creating a menu.
the clothes washed, folded and put away.
just to find them on the floor the next day,
yet never seeing them actually worn.

Mothers.
YOU ARE AMAZING.
and that goes to all those women out there
who take care of other kids.
that are not their own.
because it really does take a village.
To be a vessel,
to children & teenagers.
helping define character in them.
and reveal Christ's love to their hearts.
that are being filled each day with so much from this world.
NEVER use the word "just" before a title again.

Walking confidently,
in faith.
hope,
surrender.
to Gods journey for you life.
for my life.
its scary.

but your not walking it alone.
and reminding yourself that.
reminding yourself who you are.
whose image your defined by.
and being refined by.

just so you can take that next step.
cause it is filled with purpose.
Because He who promises is Faithful.

so next time someone asks you what you do.
DO NOT put a "just" before it.
because you have purpose in every season.
even if its not where you imagined yourself.
there is still a reason your there.
there is growth, refinement, healing that is desired.
By our Creator.
because it is revealing more of His heart for His children.
and we should never fear the storms.
they always produce something fabulous in us and through us.

walk confidently in your calling.
and the way it is expressed in each season.
even if its not what you envisioned.
cause it will always be greater.
as God is pulling you closer to His heart.

Let me speak these words over you.
So you will begin to speak them over yourself.
tuck them into your heart.
believe them.
and hear your Father whisper them to you.

You are loved.
You are desired.
You are valued.
You are worthy.
You are cherished.
You are chosen.
You are whole.
You are pure.
You are new.
You are beautiful.
You are delighted in.
You are strong.
You are powerful.
You are radiant.
You are peace-filled.
You are more than "just" you.
Walk in that confidence.
That your created for greater purpose then you will ever imagine.
Your not "just"
YOU ARE.

In Christ's Love
Emily Elizabeth.